obsessions are bad
by shokkun
Summary: this is what happens when you get real bored. if you want to see if you're more obsessed than me, you'd better read this and see if ou get angry. I don't know many other zelda fans, so pleez xcuse me if I get some obsessons wrong, K?
1. first off

THIS IS BEING WRITTEN SOLELY FOR THE PURPOSE OF ANGERING YOU ALL. HE-HE.

IF YOU ARE AN EXTREME FAN OF DARK LINK, GO TO CHAPTER 1

IF YOU ARE JUST OBSESSED WITH ZELDA GAMES, GO TO CHAPTER 4

IF YOU HAVE AN OBSESSION WITH GANON/ZANT/VAATI/ANY BOSSES, GO TO CHAPTER 2

IF YOUR FAVORITE CHARACTER IS ZELDA, GO TO CHAPTER FIVE

IF YOU JUST WANT TO HEAR RANDOM THINGS, GO TO CHAPTER 3

IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY I'M DOING THIS, READ BELOW.

OKAY, IM ONLY DOING THIS BECAUSE I'M BORED OUT OF MY MIND AND I WANT TO SEE HOW MANY PEOPLE I CAN ANGER BEFORE I ACTUALLY FEEL BAD FOR POSTING THIS. HA-HA

ANOTHER REASON IS THAT I WANT TO SEE IF I CAN FIND PEOPLE WHO ARE MORE OBSESSED WITH ZELDA THAN I AM. BELIEVE ME, IT'S A HARD RECORD TO BEAT.

FINALLY, I JUST WANT TO DO _SOMETHI NG_. GAH. AFTER I POST THIS, MAYBE I'LL POST MY BLOODY-GOREY ZELDA STORY, CHAPTER BY CHAPTER… JUST TO ANNOY YOU…


	2. Dark Link

THIS IS FOR FANS (FOR FANFIRLS, THE STUFF IS NUMBERS 5-13) OF DARK LINK

DARK LINK IS A LOSER. HE PEOBABLY DOESN'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT HOW HE LOOKS. PROBABLY JUST WAKES UP BY HIS LITTLE DEAD TREE EVERY MORNING, AND STARES AT THE DOORWAY AND WAITS FOR SOMEONE TO COME IN.

DARK LINK IS TECHNICALLY A BASTARD. WHO IS HIS FATHER, ANYWAY?

DARK LINK COULD NEVER BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF LINK. DARK LINK SPENDS HIS DAYS GETTING THE CRAP KICKED OUT OF HIM BY LINK, DOES HE NOT?

I THINK THAT DARK LINK IS NOT CAPABLE OF HUMAN SPEECH. I THINK ALL HE CAN DO IS LAUGH HIS HEAD OFF AT SOMETHING THAT'S NOT UNDERSTANDABLE TO ANY NORMAL PERSON.

DARK LINK IS A PIECE OF TRASH. HE JUST SITS THERE, AND COPIES LINK'S EVERY MOVE…

DARK LINK IS GAY

DARK LINK HAS RED EYES. HE REMINDS ME OF ONE OF THOSE CREEPS YOU FIND IN DARK ALLEYWAYS

DARK LINK HAS A SAD NAME. "DARK LINK"? HOW ABOUT D-LINK, OR DLINK, OR… KNIL. IT SOUNDS FUNNY

WHY DOES DARK LINK HAVE SOME SORT OF CRANE THING IN HIS ILLUSION ROOM? I MEAN, DOES HE WORK AT A CONSTRUCTION SITE OR SOMETHING?

DARK LINK ALWAYS TRIES TO GAY-RAPE LINK IN THOSE YAOI FANFICS. ISN'T THERE SOMETHING… WRONG HERE?

ALL FANGIRLS. I'M SORRY. DARK LINK CAN NEVER LEAVETHE TEMPLE, SO YOU CAN NEVER SHOW HIM ANYTHING. HE DOESN'T EVEN KNOW HE HAS A TEAM OF FANGIRLS AND YAOI FANGIRLS AT HIS DISPOSAL.

IF DARK LINK IS SO POWERFUL AND SUCH, WHY DOES HE LINGER AROUND THE WATER TEMPLE, WHY NOT GO TO SOME OTHER, FARTHER TEMPLE, MAYBE THE SPIRIT TEMPLE… I MEAN, THE WATER TEMPLE IS COOL AND ALL, BUT ISN'T IT ONLY THE THIRD TEMPLE AS ADULT LINK…? TSK…

DARK LINK TOLD ME HATES YOU, AND HE WANTS HIS PLUSHIES BACK.


	3. evil guys

FOR FANS OF EVIL GUYS

YOU HAVE A VERY SICK, TWISTED, EVIL MIND….

GANON SAYS THAT IF YOU DON'T KILL YOURSELF, HE'LL DESTROY ALL OF THE DARK LINK PLUSHIES

ZANT IS SCREWED UP. I THINK HE IS MENTALLY DISABLED. HES JUST… CRAZY…

VAATI IS AN IDIOT. WHY DIDN'T HE JUST WISH TO RULE THE UNIVERSE INSTEAD OF WISHING TO BE A MAN FIT TO RULE THE UNIVERSE… SHEESH…

ALL EVIL GUYS ARE TRASH

MOST PEOPLE WOULD THINK THAT BELLUM IS A GIANT PLANT (MYSELF INCLUDED)

WHY DOES GANON ALWAYS HAVE A SWORD THAT WAS MADE BY THE GOOD GUYS? I JUST DON'T GET IT…

WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND LIKES A GUY WITH ORANGE HAIR,GRAY SKIN, CURLERS, AND A CREEPY FACE?

… ZANT… HAS HAIR… I FORGOT THAT BIT… ITS… WRONG… IN… SO MANY WAYS…

ACK! GANON AND ZANT HAVE FANGIRLS?ACK!


	4. just obsessed

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO ARE JUST OBSESSED

EVEN THE PEOPLE AT NINTENDO POWER DIDN'T GIVE ZEDA TP A 10, BUT THEY GAVE METRID A 10. WHY IS THAT HUH?

HOW DID THEY DECIDE TO MAKE A SEQUEL TO A GAME WHERE PEOPLE HAD NO IDEA WHAT THEY WERE DOING FROM THE START?

WHAT HAPPENED TO LINK'S PARENTS? OR DOES HE HAVE ANY….?

HOW EXACTLY DO THE OCTOROKS SHOOT _ROCKS_? WOULDN'T THAT BE… PAINFUL?

HMMM… HOW COME I WAS ABLE TO MEMORIZE THE ENTIRE OF TP IF IT WAS SUPPOSEDLY THE " BIGGEST ZELDA GAME EVER, WITH AN EVEN BIGGER HYRULE"?

IF ZELDA GAMES ARE SO GREAT, THEN WHY IS IT THAT MOST OF THE PEOPLE WHO IMPALED THEIR TV WITH THEIR WIIMOTE WERE PLAYING ZELDA AT THE TIME? ZELDAHAZARDOUS

WHY.DOES.LINK.WEAR.TIGHTS. HES A GUY FOR GOD SAKE!

IS IT JUST ME, OR DO LINK'S EYEBROWS SCARE EVERYONE?

ANOTHER STRANGE FACT…WHY IS IT THAT IN LANAYRU'S STORY, AT THE END, THERE ARE A BUCH OF ILIAS COMING FROM THE SKY, WIT NO PUPILS, AND LAUGHING AT NOTHING? THAT SCENE REALLY FREAKED ME OUT…

'NUTHER THING… IS IT JUST ME, OR DOES MIDNA'S HAIR TURNING INTO A GIANT HAND FREAK EVERYONE OUT?


	5. Zelda

HMMM… DOES ZELDA HAVE FANGIRLS? WELL… ANYWAY, FOR THOSE WHO LIKE ZELDA….

ISN'T SHE SCHIZOPHRENIC? SHE HAS SHEIK, TETRA, AND SHE HAS PHANTOM ZELDA. OR IS THAT BIPOLAR?

HER NAME IS ZELDA. JUST GIVE THAT SOME THOUGHT

SHE IS A TOMBOY, AS THE GOSSIP STONE SAID… HAHAHAHA

WHY IS SHE ALWAYS GETTING HERSELF KIDNAPPED/TURNED TO STONE?

IF SHE HAS THE TRIFORCE OF WISDOM, THEN SHOULDN'T SHE BE SMART ENOUGH TO FIX IT ALL HERSELF?

HER DAD'S NAME IS DAPHNES. 'NUFF SAID.

SHE HAS A PIRATE ALTER EGO THAT HAS A CURLY-THING ON HER HEAD. NIIII-IIICE…….

SHEIK LOOKS TOO MUCH LIKE A BOY FOR ANYONE TO BELIEVE THAT ZELDA WAS JUST A _TOM_BOY….

WHAT IS THAT THIN ON TETRA'S HEAD ANYWAY? IS IT HAIR? IS IT _SUPPOSED_ TO BOUNCE AROUND IKE THAT? IS IT ALIVE?

ZELDA IS SUPPOSED TO BE SMART, RIGHT? WE-EELLLLL…. THEN HOW COME SHE KEEPS GETTING TURNED INTO STONE? OR KIDNAPPED?


End file.
